Woman
by vinkunwildflowerqueen
Summary: House and Cameron are in a relationship, and when something happens, House withdraws. How does Cameron deal with this, and can House fix it before its too late? Winner of 2010 h/c fanfic awards in the category "Established realtionship award"!
1. Chapter 1

Woman

By phoenixgirl23

DISCLAIMER: I don't own House, but if I did... boy, would things be different.

AUTHORS NOTE:

Boy, long time no see, huh? I'm sorry, but I have a very good excuse. I had this big plan, once uni finished for the year (2 credits and a distinction, thank you very much), I would finish a whole bunch of the stories I started through the year and then post them together as a Christmas present for all of you. Good idea... and then my computer broke. Well, didn't break so much as my cord broke so it wouldn't charge. A month later, here we are. So... Merry Christmas!!! A special shout out to Kirunavaara: the ONLY person to review 'Twenty three minutes'.

So, this story... I got the idea after listening to one of my favourite songs by Delta Goodrem called Woman (duh); and reflecting for the millionth time it reminded me of Hameron. So, here we are. Not the whole story is based on the song, mainly chapters 2 and 3, 3 especially.

And another shout out about how awesome Delta is. I've mentioned her in a few stories now, because she is totally awesome, and everyone should listen to her music. Delta and her fiancée are my hope that one day I will find love, the ultimate couple; and those long time readers will know that my greatest fear is that I'll never experience love. (19 and eternally single, people). Delta (and JK Rowling) are my role models, and Delta's music is constantly inspiring me and getting me through the bad spots in my life. Such as now, when my family is still living with my grandparents after 7 months (it was supposed to be 2 weeks), and we still can't find a house to rent. I miss my stuff, I miss my space (I'm sharing a room with my 13 yr old brother), and I'm losing hope we'll ever find somewhere to live. So please review and be nice to me!!!

Chapter One

"What _are_ you doing?"

House looked up from the television in his office where he was watching his soap (thankfully at that moment it was only a commercial), to see her watching him from the doorway, half-amused, half-exasperated. House took a moment to admire her, her long brown hair loose and straight today, and her black pantsuit fitted yet professional. For what felt like the millionth time in the past four months, House marvelled at the fact that _he_ was dating Allison Cameron.

After three years of working together, and just under three years of finding reasons why he should avoid the temptation to succumb to the ever-growing feelings he felt for his beautiful, intelligent, and caring (not to mention fourteen years his junior) immunologist; House had had the matter taken out of his hands.

Just over four months ago, Cameron had received a phone call at work, which had completely distracted her from her work. When she disappeared for lunch and didn't return, House went searching for her, ever curious about the happenings of his fellows' personal lives. He eventually found her outside in the deserted park down the road from the hospital on the empty swings, freezing without a coat in the middle of January, and crying her eyes out. House had sighed heavily at the sight, dry-swallowed two Vicodin and sat down on the next swing silently.

"What was the phone call?" he'd asked her finally, and she'd met his gaze as she wiped her eyes.

"None of your business, House," she'd replied hoarsely.

House shrugged. "I'm pretty sure it is."

Cameron had sighed in annoyance. "Trust me, this has nothing to do with you. Please, just leave me alone. Just this once," she'd pleaded, but pleading or manners never had any effect on House.

"Come on, it can't be that bad," House had reasoned.

"You're right," she'd admitted, to House's surprise. "It's probably not that bad, but I'm upset anyway, I need to be allowed to be upset over this; and I don't need your theories on the subject, OK? Now can you please go?"

"I have great theories," House had defended himself and Cameron had snorted sceptically.

"I know I live for them," she replied sarcastically. "I've already heard your opinion on this particular subject, House and I don't need a reminder," she'd muttered, and House had caught her wince slightly, as though recalling a painful memory or reliving it.

House was quiet for a moment as he reviewed the things he had said to Cameron that she might be referring to, and came to the conclusion that most of what he had said to her over the years had been relating to one particular subject. The memory of it made him wince too, that god-awful date.

"How old are you?"

Cameron had looked across at him, in confusion and annoyance. "I'm guessing you know exactly how old I am, House. Just because you don't remember your own birthday, doesn't stop you from knowing everyone else's."

She would be thirty-one in eight months, House knew; so he didn't bother answering.

"I'm just thinking of what news about your husband could get you this upset after nearly a decade later."

That he had pieced it together so quickly shocked Cameron and she gazed at him, open-mouth for a moment.

House had shrugged modestly. "I only make fun of you guys for one reason. Chase's daddy issues; Foreman's criminal past; and your attraction to damaged people, especially the cancer husband. Wasn't really that hard to guess."

Cameron thought about that for a moment and had to admit to herself that he was right. She even surprised herself by the next words that came out of her mouth.

"The phone call was from Joe, he was my husband's best friend."

This gave House no clue as to why she was upset, so he merely looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to continue.

"He and his wife just found out they're having a little boy," she said and House nodded, thinking he understood.

"First kid?"

"No. They've got three girls- Melody, Kiara and Jane," Cameron replied, smiling softly.

House had been completely mystified. "Ok, so did you burst into hysterical tears for them too?"

Cameron rolled her eyes. "I am _not_ hysterical.... and no, I didn't."

"So what's the difference between now and then?" he'd asked and Cameron hesitated before answering.

"They asked me if it was okay with me if they named him Andrew," she'd said softly, closing her red eyes and resting her head against the chain of the swing; and finally, House had understood.

"After him?"

She'd nodded. "Yeah. I told them yes... but I wasn't really expecting it."

"Have you been in touch much since he died?" House had asked bluntly and Cameron had winced slightly, but made an effort to answer casually.

"Yeah, not a lot. Christmas cards, phone calls occasionally... it's hard, for both of us. I don't really like to talk about Drew that much," she'd said softly.

Eventually, after a few moments of sitting in silence, House had stood up and ordered her to go home before she caught pneumonia. Cameron had been surprised but agreed; and had been even more surprised when House had turned up on her doorstep that night with Chinese takeout.

That had been their first date, although House wouldn't admit it for a month and a half; and Cameron liked to tease him and say that only House wouldn't even bother to actually ask, just turn up like it was planned. Now four months later, House was suddenly jerked back to reality to find her watching him from his office doorway.

"That's a stupid question," he replied.

Cameron rolled her eyes gently. "You do know Cuddy's called three times for you? You're supposed to be in the clinic at the moment."

"Can't do clinic duty," House shook his head in mock sadness. "Got a case."

Cameron raised an eyebrow. "No we don't."

"We will, I can feel it coming. Soon. So it would be a pointless use of my time and the clinic patients time for me to go down there; because I'd only have to come back up."

"Oh, so you're psychic now?" Cameron laughed.

"Don't mock me. Otherwise I might begin to see grave loneliness and severe lack of sex in your immediate future," House warned her and she laughed even harder.

"Riiight. I'll believe that when I see it," she smirked and turned to leave.

"Where are you going? You're not going to watch with me?" House demanded.

"No, you have a huge stack of mail I have to go through," Cameron replied.

House shook his head. "No, you have to watch it with me. Because if you don't, you'll miss things, and then all through tomorrow's show you'll want me to explain things to you, which you know I hate."

Cameron highly doubted that she would miss anything she couldn't catch up on in one episode, it was a soap opera after all, but she decided to humour House.

"Ok, I'll be there in a sec, I'll just get my coffee," she told him and House nodded.

"Hurry up, commercial's almost over!" he called after her.

She returned in due time, with an additional cup of coffee for House, which he hadn't realised he wanted until he had it. Cameron was always doing things like that.

They didn't talk much throughout the show, but sat together in comfortable silence until the end of the episode. It ended with one of House's favourite characters, Arwen, being told by Xander McAllister, a private investigator and her half-brother that he had uncovered some disturbing information about her husband, Rick. If there was anything more House loved than his daily cliff-hanger, it was guessing what twist the storyline would take next, and he was usually right, although he had to admit Cameron had a knack for it.

"So, what do your psychic powers see for tomorrow's episode?" Cameron asked him teasingly, as House switched off the TV.

House closed his eyes, held his finger to his temple and paused for a long moment before answering her.

"Ladies first, what's your theory?"

Cameron sighed thoughtfully. "I reckon he's got a kid with Heather that he's hiding from Arwen."

House was startled, that possibility had never entered his mind. "What gave you that idea?"

She scoffed. "Oh, please, it's obvious. Heather's always had a thing for him."

"Yes, but she's in the asylum," House pointed out. "Plus, she can't have kids because of the car accident she was in."

"You didn't let me finish," she admonished him. "She's was Rick's nurse when he was shot, and she came on to him when he was coming out of the anaesthesia. And then she was seen meeting with that woman, who then disappeared but kept contacting Heather with text messages. Heather only wants Rick so she can have revenge on Arwen- her ex-step sister; because her father likes Arwen better than Heather. I reckon she stole a sperm sample from Rick in the hospital, blackmailed Lindsey into mixing it with some of her eggs; because we know Lindsey's been having an affair with the Dean of Medicine. I think the woman was a surrogate, who ran off with the baby when Heather went crazy and held Arwen and Xander hostage, and killed Michael; and now the surrogate's come back and told Rick about the baby for financial support."

House considered her theory for a moment, and then rolled his eyes dismissively.

"Your entire theory is based on one meeting Heather had with a random lady, who's never been seen since? Why would she blackmail Lindsey over sleeping with the Dean? And yes, she came on to Rick in the hospital and _almost_ slept with him, but he called her 'Arwen' and she left, remember? If that was happening, they would have shown her taking the sample and blackmailing Lindsey, so the audience knows what's happening."

"Not necessarily," Cameron argued. "It's a bigger shock if no one see's it coming, and then they do flashbacks to reveal it all."

House was sceptical and Cameron rolled her eyes. "Ok, what's your theory?"

"Arwen and Rick are related," House said confidently.

Cameron frowned. "You think she married her... what, brother, cousin?"

"Half-brother," House corrected. "We know Arwen's father and Rick's mom were high school sweethearts; Camille was emotionally blackmailed by her father to marry her husband to save the family business; and she met up with George the night before the wedding when he tried to convince her to elope. They conceived Rick, Camille passed him off as her husband's kid. She didn't want Arwen marrying Rick, remember? They're related."

Cameron stared at him for a moment. "You watch _way_ too many soaps. That's insane! They've spent two years keeping Arwen and Rick apart, why would they make them related?"

"Twenty bucks says they're related," House replied.

"Fifty," Cameron answered and they shook hands to seal the deal.

"I can't believe you think they're related," she muttered. "Actually, I can't believe you've got _me_ into these insane and totally unrealistic stories!"

House grinned. "Hey, you were forewarned. You knew this about me _before _we hooked up."

She rolled her eyes as she reached for his empty coffee cup and stood up. "And yet for some reason, I still love you."

Cameron realised a second too late what she'd said, and by then it was too late to stop it. There was no hope House might have missed it either, despite the casual tone in which it was said. He had clenched instantly and his jaw slackened. For an instant Cameron considered attempting to fix it; but really, how could she? She froze for a moment, and decided the best thing to do was act normal. She silently eased his coffee cup out of his hand, cleared her throat and left the office.

Cameron busied herself throughout the afternoon by answering the stack of mail on her desk; mentally cursing herself for not thinking before she spoke. Although it was certainly no secret that she did, in fact, love House and had had feelings for him even before they began dating; she had never actually told him before, and she certainly never would have dreamed of saying 'the L word' before he did. It had just... slipped out, she sighed to herself; and try as she liked, she couldn't erase the image from her mind of House's stunned, deer in headlights expression that had crossed his face the minute the words were out there.

As the clock hit four, House entered the conference room from his office, with his backpack and bike helmet in his hands, and Cameron looked up at him.

"Hey," she greeted him cautiously.

"Hey."

Cameron racked her brain to think of something casual to say that could in no way be linked back to 'the incident'; but House spoke first, rubbing his forehead with his thumb and forefinger when he was thinking.

"Listen, I was talking to Wilson earlier and he said something about watching a game tonight. So maybe you should just stay at yours tonight?"

Cameron nodded, although she knew perfectly well that there was no game on tonight.

"OK, I've got stuff to do anyway," she said quietly. House nodded shortly, drummed his cane awkwardly on the ground for a moment, then left.

Cameron let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding when he'd left. As far as awkward situations could go with House, that hadn't been too bad. Cameron figured that House just needed a bit of space for a day or two, and then everything would be fine. And she hadn't been lying, Cameron tried to convince herself; she did have laundry and some correspondence to catch up on and tonight would be a perfect time to do it.

She wasn't sure she believed herself though.


	2. Chapter 2

DISCLAIMER: I don't own House, but if I did... boy, would things be different.

Chapter Two

Cameron felt like screaming, but instead she continued cooking dinner whilst House and Wilson watched an episode of _how I met your mother_ on House's TiVo.

It had been four days since 'the incident' as it was now forever referred to in Cameron's mind; and House's distant, freaked out behaviour had not changed. The first two nights, Cameron had been staying at her own apartment, but she had awoken the morning prior with a new resolve not to let House to what House did best- push people away.

The night before she had had to work late at the hospital, but had gone to House's place after. He had always waited up for her when this happened in the past; but Cameron hadn't really been surprised when she used the key he had given her a month after they had gotten together to find the living room empty.

There were empty Chinese takeout containers and beer bottles all over the coffee table, and although Cameron was physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted, she couldn't help but begin cleaning up, as though it would make up for the fact she had let slip 'the L word'. When the living room and kitchen were if not clean, at least sanitary, Cameron cautiously made her way to House's bedroom. She sighed softly as her eyes adjusted to the dark and found House, asleep and snoring slightly.

Throughout all the while that Cameron took off her makeup, changed into the pajamas she was allowed to keep at the townhouse and climbed into bed, House didn't stir once. Cameron lay there, silent and tense and wondered if House even knew she was there.

She had experienced this behaviour with House before, of course, distant and standoffish, but never in the past four months. It was a new experience for Cameron, dealing with this as House's girlfriend, instead of merely his employee; and it showed her a new side of her boyfriend.

So, she had invited herself over to his place that night for dinner and to spend the night; and because she hated awkward silences, invited Wilson for dinner as well.

She had half expected House to argue, or make an excuse, and she could have lived with that. Then there would be an excuse to fight and maybe relieve the ever-increasing tension between them that everyone else was oblivious to; except Wilson, who had no idea what was going on, but was happy to be fed nonetheless. Instead, House was barely acknowledging her presence. If she asked questions, he would answer but it was mostly like talking to a brick wall.

Cameron thought she had never wanted to argue with anyone as badly as she did right now, and she _hated _confrontation.

"Dinner's ready," she called over her shoulder now, and began serving the lasagne she had cooked, simply because it was House's favourite (besides Reuben's).

"This smells great, Allison," Wilson said sincerely as he accepted the plate she gave him.

"Yeah, I'm starved," House added, but staring at his plate, not at Cameron.

"Thanks," she replied quietly, sitting down with her own plate.

There was a silence only filled with the sounds of eating for a few minutes, before Wilson broke the silence by turning to Cameron.

"So, what are you reading at the moment?"

This was a great subject, and thankfully, with an easy answer. Cameron and Wilson had always been friendly since she began working for House; but once she and House began dating, they had become firm friends. Only a few weeks in, Wilson had read a book that Cameron recommended (despite it being what House classified as a 'girls book'); and since then they always discussed whatever she was reading.

"Actually, I just finished reading '_The time traveller's wife,'_" she told him and Wilson raised an eyebrow.

"Oh yeah? What's that about?"

"Well, it's about this librarian named Henry, and he has this genetic mutation that means he randomly jumps through time. He can't control when it happens, or what period he travels to, but it's usually to the past. The story is really about his wife, Clare. They met for the first time when he was time travelling into the past at age 42. And she was six. Throughout her childhood he keeps coming back from... well, it's _her _future, but _his _past. It's an incredible story, I loved it. I don't want to give away too much, but I cried the whole way through it."

"You cry through everything," House rolled his eyes at her. Wilson frowned at his friend, but Cameron's heart leapt. A sarcastic comment was at least a step forward to normal behaviour, right?

"I'm halfway through the second book in the Spellman series," Wilson said to Cameron and she smiled.

The Spellman series had become one of Cameron's favourite; a series about a family of private investigators, who had absolutely no idea about the notion of privacy.

"I told you it was good," she laughed now. "Next on the list, _Twilight_."

The list had started as a joke between Wilson, Cameron and House when Cameron had discovered that Wilson had never read any Roald Dahl books. House she had excused from what she saw as a slanderous crime due to the age difference, but Wilson, she claimed had no excuse. When Cameron had begun recommending books to Wilson, they too were added to the list, which was ever-increasing.

It helped that Wilson, as much a romantic at heart as Cameron, did not mind reading love stories, however much he drew the line at chick flicks, unless they were adapted from a book. Cameron had introduced him to the works of Jodi Picoult and Cecilia Ahern, both of which were possible to encourage serious discussions about the ideas and stories they told. Wilson had read _Harry Potter _to Cameron's immense relief, but was reluctant to read _Twilight_, due to a reservation about vampires.

Wilson now laughed. "I don't know about that, but I'll definitely read _The time traveller's wife_. It sounds pretty good, and time travel's always a good conversation topic."

Cameron smiled in agreement. "It is. But just the idea is so complicated!"

Wilson chuckled. "If you could travel through time to another era, where would you go?"

Cameron paused thoughtfully. "I don't know. Would I be able to get back to my own time, or would I be stuck in whatever era I went to?"

Wilson considered that. "Let's suppose you can come back to the present."

"Easy, then. The 1700's," Cameron answered immediately.

House and Wilson both stared at her.

"You want to go all the way back to the eighteenth century?" House asked incredulously. "Why?"

Cameron smiled. "Fashion. I love the idea of wearing the corsets, and the hoop skirts.... they're all so elegant. But I'd have to be able to come back, because 1. I don't think I could live without technology, and 2. Wearing the corsets everyday would probably get old fast, and from a medical standpoint, not the best fashion choice."

Wilson grinned appreciatively, whilst House stared at Cameron, trying to picture her in the elegant formalwear.

"What if you couldn't get back?"

Cameron considered it and smiled. "Probably the nineteen thirties... around that time. Early twentieth century. Preferably pre-WWI or between the two wars, but I'm flexible."

"Let me guess why- the fashion?" House asked her and she laughed.

"Yes. It was more of a simple elegance back then, very Anne of Green Gables... again, which I love. But the history from that period is fascinating too. Not much in the way of technology, but more than the eighteenth-century world," she reasoned and Wilson agreed, before going back for seconds of lasagne.

Cameron then turned the tables on the men, and demanded to know which eras they would travel to. Wilson decided upon 1692 if he was able to return to the present, with a noble intention to stop the Salem witch trials; or if he would be stuck in whatever time he went to, he chose the 1940's, so that he might be in with a chance to marry Audrey Hepburn. House, after mocking Wilson's first choice and commending his second; decided that his first trip would be not to the past, but to the future, so he could come back with the ideas and become a millionaire by inventing them himself. His second destination was anytime BC, a chance to live with the ancient Egyptians, or another ancient civilisation and shape the future world.

"Or you know, hang with Jesus. Whatever comes first," he said casually and Cameron and Wilson rolled their eyes.

Eventually, Wilson said goodnight and left. The minute the door closed behind him, Cameron and House were silent.

"I guess I'll clean up," she said finally and House nodded.

"Let me know when you're done with the water, so I can have a shower," were his only words as he returned to the TV.

"Right," Cameron sighed.


	3. Chapter 3

DISCLAIMER: I don't own House, but if I did... boy, would things be different.

Chapter Three

**Dear Diary,**

**I can't sleep. **

**It's 1:28 in the morning, my eyes are itchy and my head feels as though it weighs a hundred pounds... but I can't sleep.**

**It's not a mystery as to why though. I don't know what to do about House. He's very discreetly building this giant wall around himself, and all I can do is watch. This isn't the first time he's tried to shut me out of course, it is House of course, but this is different. Probably because he's been working so hard to be in this relationship, and I've been working so hard not to do anything that could stuff it up. Which I've done anyway, so bravo Allison. **

**I know he was freaked when I let the 'L' word slip. I honestly didn't mean to... but I did mean it. Of course I meant it. I've loved House since... well, it feels like forever. And I do love him, despite the age difference, despite the Vicodin addiction, despite the fact that he's an ass. I love him. **

**But since then, he's acting like he did when I first started working for him and he found out I liked him. Pushing me away, closing himself off. But now that I've been on the inside, I can actually tell this time. I worked late last night, and he didn't wait up for me like he's done the past four months whenever I had to work. And then I still cleaned up the place, but honestly... I don't know why I care. **

**What surprised me most when we got into this was... House can be nice. He can be sweet and romantic, and make me forget that he's... well, House. But the past few days, I'm having trouble seeing the Greg behind the House, if that makes any sense? I know he's in there, but I forget.**

**Take the dates for example. He knows that I like the whole thing of dressing up, getting picked up and going out for dinner. And despite the fact that he whinges about wearing a tie and going to expensive restaurants, and that we don't live in the 1950's anymore, he does it. Well, he used to anyway. For the first three months. And every time, he bought me a corsage. **

**He used to tell me I was beautiful all the time in the beginning. Whether I was dressed up for dinner, in my PJ's, whatever. And even when, after a month or so, he stopped saying it, I still felt it. Just the way he looked at me, like he was trying to convince himself I was actually here. But the past few days, he doesn't even look at me. **

**And I know, I know.... it could be just the honeymoon phase of the relationship is over. But its House. There is no honeymoon phase. And if it were, it would be very convenient that it happens just after I accidently tell him that I love him. **

**I don't remember the last time he called me beautiful. Actually, I don't think I can remember the last time he said more than a sentence to me. **

**I think the trouble... besides me and my big mouth, is that House still sees me as the person I was three years ago at the beginning of my fellowship. I've grown so much since then, so much more confident in myself, both as a doctor and as a person. **

**House began pushing me away the minute he found out that I had feelings for him. On the Date, when he told me how I don't love, I need, which is why I married Andrew, despite the cancer and why it's the only reason I like him? It's like, he thinks I don't know what I want; because if I did, I wouldn't want someone like him. I'm not some teenage girl who has a crush on her teacher; or who dreams of marrying Brad Pitt or something! Although, whilst we're on the subject, if I was gonna marry a celebrity (doesn't matter if they're married or not), it would be Ryan Reynolds. Totally hot.**

**House doesn't see that if I didn't want to be with him, I wouldn't be. Isn't it as simple as that? I know his last relationship- with Stacy- ended badly; I mean, she's the reason that he's crippled and for the Vicodin addiction. Well, I say that, but it's not all her fault. She made a call, it was a bad one; but House wasn't exactly innocent of blame. She didn't hand him the drugs.**

**I hate confrontation, that's why I'm writing things hear that House will never hear, because I can't bring myself to say them. I know House is pushing me away at the moment, but if he's going to decide to stop at some point- I just hope its sooner rather than later. Actually, I hope that its before I decide I can't be bothered anymore.**

**I could be petty and self-absorbed and say that House would be with someone after me, and would realise that he let a good thing go, like the perfect ending for a Hollywood rom-com. But for all I know, I'm the someone after Stacy, so I can't say it. It is true that House will more than likely be alone if he keeps pushing the people who care about him away, and that's really sad. **

**Let me tell you, House is a brilliant doctor, but Greg? He's the person I've been able to see through House the entire time I've known him. If he could just open himself up to someone... **

**Isn't it strange, that to make this all better and convince myself that there's a chance for us to move past 'the L word incident', I'd be satisfied just if he used to look at me the way he used to? That's right, all I need to hear is a simple 'you look beautiful'. Well, it has to be sincere. **

**I meant what I wrote earlier. I do love House, and I don't want to give up on trying to break through his walls... yet. But I'm selfish- I need to be loved, and I deserve to be with someone who isn't going to push me away whenever he gets scared. I want a future with someone, like the future I missed out on having with Andrew. And despite the fact that I love House, and was willing to wait around for three years until he was ready to ask me out, doesn't mean that I'm invincible. **

**I love House, I love being with him. But that doesn't mean that that's enough. If he can't realise that, I don't know where to go from here. **


	4. Chapter 4

DISCLAIMER: I don't own House, but if I did... boy, would things be different.

AN. I know House needing chase's number from Cameron's address book is kinda lame, but its the only way I could think of for him to accidentally find her diary.

Chapter Four

"Where are you going?"

Cameron looked over at House as she was halfway out the conference room door. They were the first words he'd spoken to her all morning, but she was beyond caring today after having hardly slept the night before.

"I'm going to the clinic, it's packed today and Cuddy wants some help. Why?" she asked tiredly.

"My phone died, I need Chase's cell number," he replied, holding up his dead phone.

Cameron pointed to her shoulder bag lying under her desk. "It's in my address book."

House nodded and limped over to the desk, without another word. Cameron sighed quietly and left the room. House pulled out her bag with his cane and dumped it on the desk, zipping it open. He frowned slightly as he pulled out two similar notebooks. One was obviously the address book, and he couldn't think what the other one could be. He picked one randomly and flicked it open, seeing from the first glance that it wasn't an address book. He went to close it, when something caught his notice in his peripheral vision- his name. Repeatedly.

He blinked and scanned the page quickly, and then the date registered in his mind- the most recent entry was dated at one o'clock that morning. House paused for only an instant, debating his chances of being caught reading Cameron's diary. Cameron herself was in the clinic, Foreman was up in neurology giving a consult and Chase was... actually, House wasn't sure where Chase was, which is why he was looking for his cell phone number. But he was pretty sure wherever he was, he wouldn't be returning to Diagnostics for awhile.

Just to be on the safe side, House brought Cameron's diary into his office, locked the door and closed the blinds before he sat down and read Cameron's most recent entry. The more he read, the more an overwhelming sense of déjà vu came over him. He couldn't quite place why it seemed so familiar, until one particular phrase jogged his memory.

"_House will more than likely be alone if he keeps pushing the people who care about him away... I'd be satisfied just if he used to look at me the way he used to... I deserve to be with someone who isn't going to push me away... I love being with him, but just being with him isn't enough."_

House swallowed as he remembered where he'd heard those words said to him before- right as Stacy walked out the door and out of his life. Abruptly, he stood up, diary in hand, and left his office.

Wilson, reviewing a stack of new patient files at his desk, looked up when his door opened without knocking. It didn't surprise him it was House in the doorway. What did surprise him was the look on his face.

"What's up?" he asked in concern.

House crossed the room, plopped himself in the chair opposite Wilson's desk and handed him the diary.

"Read this."

"What is it?" Wilson asked curiously.

"Cameron's diary."

Without looking, Wilson immediately closed it and handed it back to him. "Oh, no, no, no. It's bad enough _you're _reading Cameron's diary, but don't ask me to."

House rolled his eyes. "Don't be such a baby. There's nothing personal in the part I want you to read, it's just about me."

Reluctantly, but intrigued, Wilson slowly re-opened the diary and read the last entry. The more he read, he was both confused and enlightened as to why House had come to him.

"Wait, Cameron told you she loved you? When did this happen?" he asked in amazement when he'd finished.

House sighed, knowing how his friend would react. "About four days ago."

As he'd thought, Wilson was horrified. "Wait, _four _days ago? And you've been freezing her out since?"

"I panicked," House defended himself. "It just came out of the blue, and I don't know what to do. So, I just reacted instinctively."

"By acting like an ass," Wilson finished. "What exactly did she say?"

House told him the story, about the soap operas and their conversation and Cameron's exact words that had started the whole mess.

Wilson scowled at him. "That's it? There was no big declaration of love? No expectations from you for anything? Just 'for some reason I still love you'? For God's sake, House!"

House glared at him. "I don't exactly say it a lot, and I haven't heard it in awhile. The last woman who claimed to love me gave consent for an operation I didn't want!"

"I know that House; and I also know the last man Cameron loved _died _in front of her!" Wilson said pointedly.

House sighed, in truth, he had forgotten that small detail. "Love is a big generalisation," he muttered. "Isn't it traditional for the man to say it first anyway?"

Wilson scoffed. "Nothing about you and Cameron is traditional, House."

"True," he admitted.

Wilson paused for a moment, and decided he was possibly being a tad too harsh on his friend.

"Look House," he said gently. "I know Stacy hurt you, big time. I know you had a crappy childhood. But I also know Cameron is the best thing that's ever happened to you; and I'd hate to see you lose that. Cameron makes some really good points in here, and I think it's a pity she feels she can't say them to you. What it really comes down to, is... do you love her?"

House hesitated. After all, it had only been four months, and how do you really know when you love someone anyway? He must have unconsciously muttered these thoughts out loud, because Wilson answered quietly.

"It may only be four months, but you've had feelings for her long before that."

That was true, House admitted to himself. But there was still that big question- how did you know when, or if, it was love? He had loved Stacy, he was sure of that, but he couldn't remember a moment in the five years they were together that he had come upon that realisation. She had just said one day, I love you and House had replied with the generic "You too." He could probably count on one hand the number of times he had actually said the words to her.

But he was a different person now, and Cameron certainly wasn't Stacy. Cameron was Cameron, and House was sure he cared about her. He didn't ask anyone who quit to come back, but was it love?

Wilson interrupted his musings after a few moments. "House, I'm going to tell you something that my brother told me once. If after three months with someone, you can't see a long term future with them, it's probably not love. And if that's the case with Cameron, it's probably best to let her go. She's got a great career ahead of her, even more so after working for you for so long. But she's made a very good point in the diary entry. She deserves to be with someone who can give her the future she wants. Marriage, children... I know I've been pushing for you two to get together for a long time, but I think it's for the best."

Dazed, House nodded numbly in agreement, and then a vision entered his head. The office, Cameron's desk, empty; Cameron in a white dress and veil marrying a blank faced stranger; Cameron, her stomach protruding and jostling by the movements of someone within her; Cameron, happy, loved, and smiling- but not with him.

He inhaled sharply as realisation struck and Wilson watched him cautiously as his expression changed.

"House?"

"I love her," he said, meeting Wilson's gaze.

Wilson paused for a moment and then grinned. "Yeah, I knew you did."

This startled House and he blinked at his friend in bewilderment. "What?"

Wilson shrugged. "I knew if I suggested you let her go, you'd realise it too. Because even if you didn't know it, you wouldn't want her with anyone else."

"You used reverse psychology on me?" House spluttered and Wilson grinned.

"Yeah. Now, go tell this to your girlfriend!" he ordered.

"You are _so _dead," House scowled as he left the office.

He managed to put Cameron's diary back without being caught; found her address book and made the call to Chase; and then retreated into his office to prepare himself. Cameron returned at lunchtime, and was just getting money out of her wallet when House entered the room.

"Do you want to go to dinner tonight?"

Cameron was startled, she hadn't been expecting House to say anything to her, and it was such a turnaround from his behaviour of the past few days that she was confused.

"Dinner?" she repeated.

After four days of practically ignoring her, House was suddenly aware of just how he had been treating her, and the look of bewilderment on her face now summed it up, and he felt a surge of guilt that kept him from making a sarcastic comment.

"Yeah. What do you say?"

This was now more than he had said to her in almost a week, so Cameron merely nodded numbly. "Ok. What's the occasion?" she asked him lightly.

House paused. "Just thought we could talk," he shrugged. "I'll pick you up from yours at seven."

Cameron was still puzzled as she left the office and headed down to the cafeteria. She froze abruptly as she realised the only reason House would suddenly ask her to dinner.

"Oh my god, he's breaking up with me!" she whispered, all the colour draining from her face.

Her appetite suddenly gone, she turned around and headed outside to the courtyard. There, she half-collapsed onto a bench and took several deep breaths.

Really, she shouldn't be that surprised, she tried to convince herself. After all, she was surprised it had lasted this long.

"Damn, I'm going to have to move," she moaned quietly. There was no way she could stay in New Jersey after this, '_which is what happens when you date your boss,'_ she mentally scolded herself.

All afternoon Cameron was distracted, so she was thankful they didn't have a patient at the moment. She even left half an hour than usual, which House agreed to, assuming she needed extra time to get ready for dinner.

Cameron then spent half an hour in front of her closet, wondering what to wear for a break-up dinner; and hoping House did it at the beginning of dinner not at the end, because she couldn't imagine eating anything at the moment. Well, she couldn't imagine eating anything without bringing it right back up.

Finally, she decided on a wine-coloured cocktail length dress, which tied at the back of her neck. She swept her long hair up and clipped it up, leaving loose tendrils in curls at the nape of her neck and gently framing her face.

Since his revelation with Wilson a few hours prior, House was still getting his head around the idea as he drove to Cameron's building. He loved her. That was a big deal, even more so for House, because it meant he wasn't just dating and sleeping with Cameron. He was in a relationship with her, and wanted a future with her. He wasn't sure what that future entailed exactly, but he figured they had plenty of time to figure that out later. But a relationship meant that he had to step up, and take note of what Cameron had written in her diary and what Wilson had told him before he left that evening. He had to trust Cameron, and actually open himself up to her.

When Cameron opened her door to answer House's knock however, he was suddenly overwhelmed by that fact that he _loved _her. No, he was _in _love with her, and he didn't think he had ever been in love with anyone before.

"Hi," Cameron said quietly and House blinked for a moment, then held up the white wrist corsage he held in his hand.

"Hi. You look... beautiful," he said sincerely and an odd expression crossed Cameron's face for a moment, then she whispered a 'thank you' as he handed her the flower.

The drive was mostly silent, until House parked and Cameron looked to see where they were and her mouth went dry.

"_Cafe Spiletto?" _

The restaurant where House had torn her down; had told her that she didn't really love her husband, but married him out of pity? _This _was where he was going to break up with her?

"I like the pasta," House shrugged and got out of the car.

Cameron felt like she was about to vomit, and she was shaking slightly with apprehension as she somehow staggered out of the car. House glanced sideways at her as they crossed the road, and noticed she was practically gray. It was only then it occurred to him Cameron had no idea what the dinner was for.

They were only a few feet away from the restaurant's front door when Cameron realised her legs could take her no further and she stopped abruptly.

"What's wrong?" House asked as he noticed her stop.

"You said that you wanted to talk," Cameron managed to get out hoarsely. "Can we just talk first?"

House hesitated. He really didn't want to do this on the side of the street, but Cameron looked as though she were about to vomit or faint.

"Please?" she asked faintly, and House nodded.

"Sure, I guess. Uh... come over here, though," he said pointing with his cane to a low brick wall that ran the perimeter of a vacant lot just two buildings away from the restaurant. They made their way over and Cameron sat down shakily, facing House and reminding herself to breathe, and whatever he did, whatever he said, not to cry.

House cleared his throat and forced himself to meet her gaze. "Cameron, I owe you.... well, actually, I owe you fifty bucks."

Cameron blinked at him, stunned. "Wait? What?"

"Yeah, from the soap opera thing," House continued sheepishly. "You were right, Heather stole a sperm sample from Rick, and they've got a kid."

It took Cameron a moment to remember what he was talking about. "Oh," she said finally. _Good job, Allison- good use of your vocabulary_, a small voice in her head said sarcastically.

House took a deep breath and tapped his cane on the ground. "I also owe you an apology."

Cameron had never heard those words from House before, merely dreamed of them, but now that the opportunity had come, she had no answer.

"For?"

_For thinking that we could be together; for wasting my time for the past four months; for not doing this sooner, _was what Cameron was expecting.

"For the way I've been acting the past few days," House finished, and his tone was so sincere tears immediately sprung into Cameron's eyes.

"Oh."

"I panicked... not that that's a very good explanation," he admitted. "I've been trying so hard for as long as I can remember to avoid.... those words, because I've never really been sure what they meant. Once you get... love... involved, it means that we're in a relationship. And I haven't had the best track record with relationships."

Cameron nodded silently, unsure what to say. She was so busy trying to think of something to say that she almost missed House's next words.

"But I do."

Cameron frowned slightly in confusion. "Do what?" she asked.

House took her hands in his. "I- I love you," he said seriously and Cameron was sure she stopped breathing.

"I love you, and I haven't said that a lot. Because if you say it... to me, love just means that you have something to lose. And I've come close to losing you before, and it's not fun," he said bluntly and Cameron couldn't help but smile faintly.

"So... I don't want to lose you."

Cameron laughed as her tears spilled over and House gave a small smile in return.

"You forgive me?"

Cameron nodded as she wiped her eyes and House leaned over and kissed her. "I love you," she told him and he nodded.

"Good. So... dinner?" he asked, gesturing to the restaurant.

Cameron grinned and stood up, suddenly starved and slightly light-headed. "Yeah, definitely."

House casually grasped her hand as they walked towards the door. "So, why did you look like you were about to pass out two minutes ago?" he asked her.

"What did you think this was about?"

Cameron hesitated and stared at the ground as she answered. "I thought we were here for you to break up with me," she admitted and House came to a standstill, so abruptly that Cameron almost fell over.

"Ok, I'm in heels here," she complained, but House took no notice.

"You thought I was breaking up with you?"

Cameron nodded solemnly. "Well, yeah. I mean, you've been acting so weird... and after what happened the last time we were here..."

She was silenced as House leaned down and kissed her. "Allison, when a man is dating someone way out of his league, he doesn't break up with her. He waits for her to realise she's out of his league and then dumps _him. _As for the last time we were here... the plan was to replace a crappy memory with a better memory," he said sheepishly.

"And don't expect to hear it often, but I love you. So you're stuck with me," he added and Cameron smiled softly.

"I can probably handle that," she replied and House grinned.

"Good."

He kissed her once more and then led her into the restaurant for dinner.

The End


End file.
